In This Picture

Screw the Spirit of Bombay!

For long have people slept, for long has this one sentence comforted us into our holes. 'The Spirit of Mumbai' is ignorance. It is loathed with 'calm down, it will be okay'. IT IS NOT OKAY! We have been beaten, bludgeoned, battered, bruised & yet we 'bounce back'. NO! Lets not bounce back. Get MAD! Get angry. Shout scream & cry. Weep Bombay. Weep for you are sleeping. Constantly saying that this is a bad dream & it shall pass by dawn. NO! It shall not. We slip deeper into the darkness & we stay silient.

This is a plea to everyone. Do not sit down. Do not let them take you into the night & kill you. Silence the ones who tell you that you cannot do anything. You can do EVERYTHING! Awake. Arise & feel again. Do not be insensitive. Do something about it. Join a movement. Take up a cause. DO NOT SUPPORT divisive politics. Condemn it. Refer to all terrorists as cowards. Do not glorify them. Glorify the heroes that have laid down their lives for yours. Here & at the border. Push the government to lay down firm policies & a federal terror law that NO ONE is above of. ACT NOW.

The Spirit of Mumbai does not it bounces back... the spirit of Mumbai wants to fight back & now is the time! Jai Hind!

FundaMENTALists!

Before I begin what some may call a very partisan & biased read, I would like to put you through an exercise. Nothing much, just a small & simple exercise, something that will be fun if you allow it. Here goes then. Simply spot the difference between these 2 pictures.

Now there will be those who will argue that one is human while one is a primate. Both look relatively peeved with something & both look like they could use a banana. Where the fruit is applicable is rather quite debatable. But for the other few who do not see any difference between the 2 whatsoever... congratulations.

Before you go up ahead & light those effigies bearing my image (how the hell do they get those so quickly? do they have a stock of them somewhere...I wonder) this post is not anti-hindu or anti- any religion. Nor is it as a call or a plea to help minorities that be burning off in the distance. Nor is it anti-monkey or any other sort of animal. This post is simply put - ANTI-FUNDAMENTALIST! Period.

The angry monkey you see above does not belong to a religion. His kind are found everywhere, set to stand up & fight for anything. Be it religion, caste, creed, colour of the skin, vegetable prices, unclipped toenails or bad breath. The 'Fundamental Fool', your typical unemployed 'nothing to lose' youngster transcends every boundary known to man. Religious or political.

These gems of society wail & wallow in self pity shouting out to the world that they have been wronged. They take to violence in order to claw back their rights. They are there because no one else bothers to take up such an issue. I reckon because everyone is out there with a job & a family to feed. But no, these guardians of 'our' rights & 'our' sentiments have to be out there restoring sanity to our world.

Every religion is plagued by this 'It hurts our sentiments' fundamentalist. Constantly trying to fight tooth & nail over a sordid issue that is frankly, worth less than a million buckets of human waste. Land, blasphemy, conversions, insults, the list is endless.

An appeal goes out to everyone with at least one ticking grey cell. PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES. DO NOT CO-OPERATE. Refrain from acknowledging their propaganda let alone discussing it. These antics that they resort to, violence, murder, constant protest & the odd hunger strike is to distract you. Take you away from the real issues. Issues that them & their kind have no answers to. Answers that all of us need to ask...

Look Jesus! I'm saved!

"Down with Europe! Hey BTW, where are we?"
"Errrm... Europe."
"Shite."

"See Shoumak. I told you this would be better than any movie we could go for. Come on! You're missing out on the fun. Get stomping already!"


!!!! WAKE UP !!!!

Of Suicides & Statues

My great city will soon have something else to shout about. Something that will make it a little more popular among its peers. London, Paris, New York will all look in awe at a monument that will set my country back my Rs.500 Crore! What a matter of pride it will be. We will all stand tall, gawking at the mighty statue. A monument & a symbolof our prosperity, unity & peace. It will be a message to the world, that we too aren't far behind. The statue will encompass the true spirit of the city as it stands alone out there at sea. Facing wind, water & the future. It will carry with it, on its huge shoulders, all our hopes & prayers. All our wants will disappear & euphoria will embrace all who see it. This giant symbol of my city will be a sign to all weary travellers, the lost & the needy. It will welcome them with open arms, embracing them with a promise to pave their dreams with gold. There will be no more pain, there will be no more terror. Peace will forever reign. All thanks to this towering messiah of a monument. We will all be saved.

The truth is far from what I would like it to be. If wishes were horses then India & my city would ride like the wind. Ahead of everyone. In this nation of professional dreamers, the winners will always be the ones who sell us the BIG dreams. And who else can do this better than our chosen ones. Our elected saviours, the ones who have carefully & tediously studied every minute problem that you & I face as an individual, are busy as you read this. Concocting another intoxicating dose, made specially for your dreams. Thus, after many committees, meetings, tea, biscuits & some rather expensive international holidays...err...visits our city decides that a solution to all our problems would be to erect a giant statue far out into the sea. This will not only solve our problems of congestion, crime & resource crunches but will also propel us into the league of world class cities. What an achievement that would be! Viva La Mumbai!

I do not expect our blind parliament to open its eyes to our plight & hence I shall resist from addressing this message to them in any way. This message is intended to the intelligent human beings out there. The ones who go to work the day a bandh is called. The ones who sweat it out in crowded compartments, wade through knee deep sewage, spend 4 hours a day stuck in traffic, the ones who pay through their nose to get a square foot to lay their tired heads on...just to keep this city running. And yet, this statue will do them no good. Their hard earned cold hard cash, snatched away from them in the form of taxes will be spent on a cold hard monument left to rust far out at sea.

Our Politicians... on a really busy day.

But I'm sure our dictators feel& know differently. I'm sure that according to them (or their astrologers), this magical structure will yeild astronomical results. The statue is miraculously expected to stop farmers form Vidharba from committing suicide. Their crops might bloom & a bumper bonus too is expected. The Latur belt will never bear witness to earthquakes again. Inflation will drop to a meagre 3%. Salaries will increase. Roads will get better as corporators & corporations get less corrupt. Our trains will increase in size, or we might shrink, they will also arrive on time. All court cases will see the light of day the very same day the case has been registered. No innocent man will ever spend a night in jail again. Crime will be reduced by 300%. Women will walk the streets freely & without fear as all eve teasers will now suddenly grow a conscience thanks to the statue's ever watchful gaze. Property prices will be reasonable again, builders will start building towers closer to the statue, thus opening up a whole new world of housing solutions. Poverty will be reduced to almost nil & any & all migrants will be welcomed with smiles & garlands. And last but not the least, pigs will fly.

So if the Rs. 500 Crore (that's Rs. 500, 000, 000, 000) monument is totally worth it don't you think. Once we have achieved Utopia here, we should all support the Taj corridor which will reverse Global Warming as well. Jai Hind.

Guess the Act @ youCharades

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